Ending one book, starting another.

​In February of 2019 I published a blog post with honest optimism that things were finally falling back into place for us. It seemed my partner's betrayals had maybe finally come to an end and we were slowly climbing back out of the hole we found ourselves in after multiple affairs and selfish acts had taken their tolls. Unfortunately that hope was short lived and things slid from bad to worse in many ways. Looking back some of what transpired is almost too unbelievable even for me to truly comprehend and I lived, or rather survived, the nightmare. Betrayed by people I once kept close to me and called my friends, let down by a breed community, and ultimately left broken by someone who was supposed to be my partner.

My original thoughts were to post my side of the narrative. Knowing the only people, or person, it would benefit would be my own heavy heart. Unfortunately the truth doesn't sell as well as the rumors did on the lips of those who really don't matter. The ones who are so miserable in their own situations they would rather gossip about others than actually reach out for eachother when there is an actual need. You see I never asked to end up in a domestic violence situation. Worried that every word or action would send us spiraling into another fight. I never wanted to be kicked out of my own home not knowing where to go or if my dogs were being cared for while I was not there. I didn't want to be embarrassed at work finding out my partner was having an affair with a co-worker and was subsequently fired for sexual misconduct. I never thought I would ever end up at a point of critical depression that I thought suicide might be the only way to stop the pain. I certainly never wanted to have to make the decision to sell equipment or having to ask friends and family to help buy dog food to make sure my dogs had food in their bellies, though sometimes it wasn't enough. Because of this I have been called weak for allowing myself to be abused and manipulated for as long as I was.

There have been others who have stood fast by our sides, helping us ultimately survive when times looked the most dire. The ones who have stood by us are there still. They know the pain, they know the truth, and they know how far we are going to have to go to rebuild everything we gave up or lost in effort to save something that was never salvageable. I will never forget the day I realized I was fighting for something that was gone. The moment I realized I was going to have to give up all of me to be nothing to him.

So, where do we go from here? The good news is I found my way out of a bad situation for me and the dogs I have remaining. Rightfully so I did have to give up some of the dogs for their best interest, though it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The only decision I would change is the one to contact the breeder of the higher maintenance dogs, assuming that option would have been available at the point I needed it most.

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So what does 2021 look like for Keahi Siberians?  Well, I'm happy to report we have a new partner who not only supports our vision but is engaged in learning everything he can about the dogs we love and the sports we are privileged to share with them.  Together we have an up and coming Jr Musher/Handler, thats something I never thought I'd say!  He has truly been a breath of new hope into a life that was once so dark and broken.

We have slowly stepped back into showing our dogs and rebuilding a vision I thought was all but lost.   Its going to take time, but time is something we have and we will spend making new joyous memories.  Look for us back on the trail in the 2021-2022 season and we cannot wait to share our future with our friends!

From all of us at Keahi Siberians-  May your trails be smooth, May your runs be fast and safe, and may your dogs be happy Happy New Year

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